Hard Truths and Beautiful Things
I’ve said this before, but I’d like to say it again: They say you don’t miss home until you’ve been some place really different for a really long time. Well I have been some place different and I’ve been to that different place for the last 12 years. I would be lying if I didn’t say I learned some powerful life lessons these past 12 years—I have. Some about life, some about love, some about myself, and plenty about relationships.
The Hard Truth About Relationships
As an Ohio transplant, I’ve had to rely on friendships more than the average person. I’m grateful for many of those friendships as they have been so critical in shaping me into the man that I’ve become. And this is important because God created us to be these communal beings and he expected us to develop, grow, and nurture the relationships in our lives. We can’t go at this alone, it’s just not possible—believe me, I’ve tried. I have tried and failed at so many things and as much as I hate to admit it, I have tried and failed at many of the relationships in my life. And you know what, that’s okay. Not everyone who has been part of your life is meant to be part of your life forever. That was one of the hard truths that I didn’t want to accept, but finally learned to accept. Not all relationships last. Sometimes watching a relationship die is equally as hard as watching a loved one die. Some people don’t get that but it’s true. Over the years starting from my freshmen year in college I have watched relationships die—and some didn’t die, some just changed and sometimes those changes were so drastic that they might as well have died. But again, that’s okay. Because the truth is, there is a time for everything and for everything a place. We have to be cognizant of this fact and we can’t abrogate our faith in humanity because we feel betrayed or burned or hurt—this is life. And no one, not even the Bible said it was going to be easy.
The Hard Truth About Love
When I was 19, I saw many of my friends “falling in love,” and I thought “I’m just out here trying to make sure I get enough sleep.” I had a lot going on in college and I just didn’t have time for love. But it happened for me and with the most unlikely of person, but I quickly learned that love and freewill reverberate on the same frequency. I learned that being in love with someone was much more complicated than what was portrayed in the movies. There wasn’t this moment where you barreled through the airport terminal only to see your one true love ascend up an escalator in a ray of warm light and there wasn’t this huge declaration in front of airport security and bunch of passengers that didn’t seem to know where their departure gate was. I learned that love wasn’t just one person deciding what the other person was going to do with their life. I learned that love wasn’t one person taking complete and total control over another person’s life. In all, I learned that love wasn’t one person attempting to be a dictator over another person’s autonomy. By the way, if you find yourself in a situation where you’ve seemingly forgotten who you are—where you are being held to impossible standards—where you spend a bulk of your time trying to “keep the peace”—where you fight with yourself trying to figure out where you are and where you’re going—that’s not love and I challenge you to stand up for yourself in those situations. Just remember that your voice matters and that your time is just as valuable as theirs. Don’t get stuck in a situation where you are slave to someone else’s perception of you or the guilt they put on you. You absolutely matter. Don’t be so consumed with someone else so much that you forget to live your own life. Dating relationships/marriage isn’t easy, but it absolutely shouldn’t be hard.
The Hard Truth About Life
Have you ever found yourself at the business end of a joke? Yeah? Well in that case, welcome to life. When we were growing up, they made it seem like when we grew up life would instantly become easy and all of our worries would go away. Now how many of you would give just about anything to go back to those days—the good ol days as we call them? I remember when I was 13 and I thought, “okay, when I turn 16, everything will be so much better.” And then I turned 16 and everything was more or less the same. And then I thought, “okay, when I turn 18, I will be an adult and everything will great.” So, you can imagine the disappointment I experienced when I turned 18 and 21and 25 and 31. This is the endless cycle of everything and at some point, you must stop and ask yourself what exactly it is that you’re looking for. Answer that question and it will save you so much trouble and time. They say that the hardest thing in the world is to live in it—but nay, I say the hardest thing in this world is to go on not living at all. As hard it becomes or as hard as it may seem, there are beautiful things in this life that make living it so worth it. I have seen so many wonderful things that it would take me a lifetime to list them all but one thing I can point out is that when things got bad and I felt like giving up—I remembered the value of life. For the past 12 years I’ve been wandering around Ohio trying to find myself and well it took me 12 years to figure out that I would never find myself in a “place” per se.
For as long as I’ve lived here, I never really could give up my “citizenship” to South Carolina. I am a South Carolinian born and bred. And while Ohio has been a home unlike any other, it will never really be home. So, like all good things, my time in Ohio has come to an end. And while I’ve definitely threatened to move over the years, you can be sure of it this time. If I haven’t seen you on this farewell tour, know that I love you. I want to thank all of the people in my life who have lived this crazy adventure with me—it has been an absolute privilege to do life with all of you—I love you all.