36 Years Later

If I were to elaborate on my feelings about 35, I would say it was a year marked by emotions such as grief, pain, and growth. This year brought with it significant losses, particularly the passing of Maverick, which left a profound void in my life. Coping with this loss sparked a journey of introspection and transformation. It made me reconsider my priorities and shift my perspective towards appreciating the simple joys of life. This period of reflection led me to redefine my life's guiding principle from one focused on enhancing others' lives to a more introspective stance of "who cares." This shift has underscored the distinction between what truly matters and what is merely trivial in the grand scheme of things.

So I lost Maverick. Then I lost my job, but not in the way you might imagine. I made the difficult decision to resign and graciously accepted an opportunity with a different company. The toxic environment in my previous workplace had begun to take its toll on me, slowly eroding my spirit. It was a place that was changing me in ways I couldn't tolerate. Maverick, my constant companion, had always been my grounding force. Despite the chaos of the world, returning home to him was my solace. Now, navigating this tumultuous period without him has been challenging. Nevertheless, I've found myself pushing harder and evolving in ways I never anticipated.

Every day, like clockwork, I found myself at work witnessing the disturbing actions and words of the administrator. Their behavior not only made me doubt my own integrity, but also led to the departure of many competent and knowledgeable individuals from their roles. I could no longer passively observe this individual exert their tyrannical influence over the workplace. Though far from perfect, I knew I had to take a stand. A wise person once said that remaining silent in the face of injustice is akin to condoning it. This realization prompted me to seek a new opportunity elsewhere. The process of finding a new job was swift, only spanning a few weeks, yet it already feels like the right decision. While I will miss my current team, I refuse to let them be the reason for my continued presence in a toxic environment. With just two business days left until I start afresh, the anticipation and relief are palpable.

This year has been a profound journey of self-discovery. As I reflect on the past months, I am amazed by the profound growth and evolution I have undergone. Entering the age of 36, my hope is to continue this trajectory of self-discovery with increased courage and boldness. Although the road ahead may seem daunting, akin to a thousand-mile journey with just a few steps taken, I acknowledge the significant progress I have already made. The person I am today at 36 is a far cry from who I was at the onset of 35, highlighting the transformative nature of my experiences.

I reconnected with an old friend, I walked beside another during one of the hardest seasons of his life, and I found new friends. I continued to build the community I started when I first moved here and the people in that community have really made me feel like I’m one of them and I can’t tell you how good that feels.

I bought a new car and this time I spared no expense. I went for all the bells and whistles and I love it. I started a new Masters program. Since the degree was meant to further my current career and now that I’m in a new field I’m unsure of if I’ll remain in the program or not. It’s law related and you all know how much I love law. I feel like every year there is this one big accomplishment and in this case, that accomplishment was getting out of a super toxic environment and making a better work situation for myself. No, I’m still not dating and I’m okay with that. I still have plenty of work that I need to do on my own. And I don’t feel the need to complicate that with a relationship right now. I think the few dates I did go on sort of reinforced a lot of ideals, one of which is that I don’t seem to be anyone’s type. A lot of people like the idea of me, but as a person, sometimes I feel defective. Goose recently shared some really wise words with me about that and it helped put a lot of things into perspective. In short–things will happen the way they are supposed to in the timing in which it is supposed to happen, I just need to be patient, and I can do that because I feel so blessed in so many ways.

So on this, the day of my birth, while I am still very sad and broken about the loss of Maverick the Dog, I do have plenty to be excited about. I have plenty to look forward to. And I have plenty to look back on and be thankful. My prayer for this year is that I find healing. That I find solace. And above all, that I find peace. Here’s to 36, let’s make it a good one, shall we?